#373 - Cellar
A few days ago I was brushing my teeth when something flew right at my face. I saw movement and managed to duck out of the way right before it hit me. I turned around to see something so bizarre that at first my brain resolved it to be some sort of miniature dragon hovering in the bathroom. After a few moments I realized that a giant black moth had flown down from the attic and was trailing a thick 18 inch long strand of cobwebs. I stood there mesmerized as it floated silently, it’s long serpentine tail rippling as it bounced up against the ceiling. Then I smashed it against the wall with a magazine and went to bed.
The books are here and orders are shipping out. A reminder to those that were part of the preorder, if you have moved recently please send me your new address so that Biff can find his way to his new home. 
November 8th, 2007 at 12:05 am
Blech, do I know about cob-webs like that… Back in TAY-xas, we had spiders the size of mini-vans.
PS: It’s spelled cellar, i believes.
November 8th, 2007 at 12:29 am
Biff, in the attic, with the machete..
Oh wait, wrong game. Looking at that, I’d hate to see the size of the spiders there, have fun Biff!
November 8th, 2007 at 12:40 am
Aww, you smushed the moth. I like em when they sit on my wall, just being big and fuzzy. On the wall outside that is.
November 8th, 2007 at 12:50 am
Ew, moth. Ew, cobwebs.
Also, it’s spelled cellar
November 8th, 2007 at 1:06 am
I believe I mentioned this a while ago, but we had a giant moth in here a few months back. About the size of my palm with its wings out, its body was as long as my palm alone. From what I hear it had giant orange eyes and an acorn-shaped (and sized) body. I didn’t see it until it was killed and dragged outside, but if I saw it (or a moth with a long trail of cobwebs) alive, I would run away screaming like a little girl with my arms flailing and hide under my covers for the next three hours.
Severe fear of insects…
November 8th, 2007 at 1:33 am
poor moth.
November 8th, 2007 at 2:19 am
I like moths. Last summer a moth found its way into my room, it was black and white. I called it Ashford. Ashford stayed in my room for a day, then I noticed it bashing itself against the window so I took it outside. It flew back onto my shirt, then flew away. Ashford was a nice moth.
November 8th, 2007 at 4:29 am
Hate to admit it, but i agree with Bunnyman…I would definately run away as fast as i can =p
Yes,i have a VERY servere fear of insects bigger than an ant o_o’
November 8th, 2007 at 4:49 am
Heh, I hate it when insects come into my room, particulary wasps. Moths aren’t as bad as they can sit still on the wall for hours and don’t bother me, but noisy insects that move around either get shooed out the window or flattened (The latter is usually reserved for stupid crane flies)
November 8th, 2007 at 4:50 am
Damn it all, i’ve got a wasp’s nest just under my window on the outside.
They’ve resisted all attempts to get rid of them, too, soon we’ll hae mutant wasps of death!
November 8th, 2007 at 5:11 am
*laugh* The way you told that story was just beautiful. Blegh, moths. I hate them.
November 8th, 2007 at 6:05 am
Hey nick, get a water hose and just drown em, angle it so it points at the hive, and turn it on from a safe distance, and while theyre drowning, your inside all safe and sting free.
November 8th, 2007 at 6:57 am
Ugh. Hate spiders with a passion.
Nick: Lighting a fire under under the nest also works wonders, but you have to be careful not to light it too close to the house. Make SURE you have a hose handy. The wasps will never go near the hive again, since it smells like smoke, and you can remove it at your leisure.
Granted, lighting things on fire is my standard approach to most problems… I may not be the best person to give this kind of advice.
November 8th, 2007 at 8:10 am
Wrong tool for the job, Biff. For giant mutant cobwebs, you want a flamethrower.
November 8th, 2007 at 9:24 am
You could have Biff try to get rid of a wasp’s nest next.
November 8th, 2007 at 10:31 am
My wife is insectophobic… even houseflies scare the bejeebus out of her; she thinks of nothing but getting away.
Kinda dangerous, really: she almost crashed our car when a wasp somehow got sucked in the window while we were on the highway. We pulled over and I had to hold her down to keep her from running blindly into traffic.
I think if she saw Chris’s moth she’d go catatonic.
November 8th, 2007 at 11:01 am
I love how you end the comment of it’s majestic flight by mentioning you squashed it and went to bed. hilarious!
November 8th, 2007 at 11:08 am
I hate spiders. They scare the spit
out of me. I won’t go in the attic
because of them, or under the house.
November 8th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
Aww…. you killed the moth? I mean, you destroyed it? I’m working on an insect collection–next time you should toss it in some tuppermaid or something, and put it in the freezer, instead of smashing it. Then mail it to me.
November 8th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
Most bugs / spiders don’t really bother me….excpet Bees / Wasps. Don’t care what it is, I want it away from me ASAP, be it by sqaushing or other means. ‘Course….now that the city’s kinda grown around where I live (used to kinda be the boonies) we don’t get them all the often….no, we get field mice instead, which are another story entirely.
November 8th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
Did it feel good crushing the bug…Did you feel the power of control of life and death in your hands….Feel the Power Be one with the power….Then take over the world
November 8th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
D: You squished my favorite kind of bug. I bet it looked pretty too. *sniffle*
November 8th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
i hate it when bugs get in the house one time when i was a kid there was a fly in the house so i locked myself in my room and stuffed some stuff in the crack beneath the door only to find that it was flying around my room the whole time
November 8th, 2007 at 4:36 pm
Aww… Poor moth. It was just trying to ask for help getting the cobwebs off.
November 8th, 2007 at 4:38 pm
And he actually dares to go further? I don’t want to see the spiders that made those webs, I have severe arachnophobia, I get all paranoid after seeing one spider.
Bugs don’t bother me as much, if they stay out of my way, fine. Still won’t really want to pick them up.
Never squish them though, leaves nasty splodges and I don’t want that really.
November 8th, 2007 at 7:09 pm
The only insect or insect like thing that has ever scared me are spiders. Wasps and all that don’t even bug me. (hahaha, someone had to say it eventually,) One time I was doing math homework and left the room for a minute and when I came back the biggest spider I’ve ever seen in my life (Even now, several years later) was sitting on my math text book. Naturally, I screamed like a little girl. This, much to my surprise, totally freaked out the spider which then ran away. We never caught it. I was afraid to sleep in my room or… house… for a while after that until I was sure it wasn’t coming back.
November 8th, 2007 at 7:30 pm
Biff should’ve been in Lord of the Rings. He would’ve taken Shelob down in no time flat.
While we’re not on the subject at all, is there any way you can exert control over the Project Wonderful ads on your site, Chris? I’m really friggin’ tired of looking at the ugly tits and ass of that Pinky Tits And Ass comic. (It’s a war comic! A war comic which is sexy! Did I mention it was SEXY? It’s even in the name! TA! lol!!! geddit?!?!)
November 8th, 2007 at 8:28 pm
They LET Biff have a machete? Yeesh…
November 8th, 2007 at 10:34 pm
Honestly, isn’t a machete far less dangerous than most thing Biff owns? Biff is far more likely to die in an accident involving cinnamon than one with a machete. The reason is simple: there’s nothing that isn’t a danger to Biff, but he knows better than to play with machetes. Cinnamon, on the other hand, seems benign.
November 9th, 2007 at 7:05 am
My step mom had a large weaverspider that would hang out around the shower head, and although she was scared of it at first, she grew to like him, and he stayed there, just killing other bugs. She called him steve. He lived there for about 7 months, until one day, when they had guests over, a friend walked out of the bathroom. “Hey bobbie, there was a HUGE spider in your shower, but dont worry, I took care of it.” then hands him the magazine used in the brutal killing.
November 10th, 2007 at 10:44 am
I got bit by what Idahoans call a hobo spider over the summer. My ankle swelled up so bad I couldn’t walk on it and the doctor gave me enough antibiotics for a horse. I’m luckly it didn’t turn necrotic, I suppose. But I do not like the hobos.
November 10th, 2007 at 7:09 pm
Elle, Ashford reminds me of my own moth buddy. He was very small and white. I named him Bob. He liked my sketchbook. I liked him. He didn’t move a lot. Later, he decided to fly off, and my sister’s cat got him.
I miss Bob.
November 10th, 2007 at 8:42 pm
Whenever someone talks about bugs i get itchy…Then i go sit in a chair that gives me the position to see any creepy crawlies…its silly, that much is true but at least i wont get bitten!
November 16th, 2007 at 6:19 pm
I like spiders. Anything that eats those annoying flying insects is ok by me. My last spider experience was a teeny tiny one I found crawling on my arm. I watched it crawl around on my hand and wrist for a while before depositing it on the side of the couch. Most girls wouldn’t do that.
June 20th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Ugh, Shelob. I’m an arachnophobe; whenever we watch Return of the King, and it’s that part, I’m curled up in the corner with my hands over my eyes, whimpering and asking if it’s over yet.
August 28th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
I just have to agree with kiwi: if it kills flying bugs, it’s my friend. Plus, spiders are beautiful, the bigger the better.
Meh moths, not my favourites but I don’t think I’d bother to squash one. Wasps, mosquitoes, flies, anything with a sting: KILL KILL KILL. I actually have an electric racquet to zap ‘em.
Bees are great though; hey, they make honey and that’s enough. I leave some honey around in the harvesting season, it’s Red Bull for the bees. Except they don’t need extra wings, of course.