May 12th, 2008
#505 - Pest
It’s funny when someone or something makes you so angry that you wind up injuring yourself. I’ve slammed my finger, stubbed my toe and whacked my knee in moments of anger. I know a few people that have punched a hole in a wall. I’ve never tried that one, with my luck I would hit a stud. I’ll stick to hitting pillows, they usually deserve it.
May 12th, 2008 at 12:06 am
aaaaaaaa the fun I’v had with telemarketers.
May 12th, 2008 at 12:08 am
Tom Mabe has some really funny Telemarketer pranks. My favorite is the one where he pretended to be a detective at the scene of his own murder.
May 12th, 2008 at 12:15 am
@ Micah:
Oh man, that’s the best video ever. Love it love it love it
Anywho, I really hate my phone. Unless you pick it up just right when it’s ringing, it’ll hang up. The stupid little button that indicates it’s hung up is loose or something…
I don’t suppose Biff has quite the same problem…
The Duck Has Spoken.
May 12th, 2008 at 12:33 am
i daily have issues with telemarketers :/ too many a time i’ve broken the phone for a week because i got made at them.
May 12th, 2008 at 12:49 am
No worries about Telemarketers here. I don’t answer the phone and my mother has been perfecting her “We don’t buy from telemarketers on principle; Please take us off your list” routine for at least two decades. We get maybe one call a month at most.
May 12th, 2008 at 12:58 am
I was on a city bus and the driver wouldn’t let me off 10 feet past my stop because I pulled the line too late. At the next stop, I was so pissed that I tried to storm of the bus before he’d fully finished stopping. I ended up pulling a muscle in my arm and banging my knee trying to stay standing.
May 12th, 2008 at 1:48 am
I’ve actually stabbed my hand with a knife because of something like that. I forget what I was angry at, but I certainly remember stabbing myself. I’ll be leaving now, my hand hurts…
May 12th, 2008 at 2:31 am
I love screwing with telemarketers. Hanging up is just too easy. You need to toy with their minds. Then again I don’t recall Biff ever speaking, so that would be hard for him.
† Metal Matt †
May 12th, 2008 at 3:00 am
Oh man, I do this a lot. I’m a programmer that gets frustrated a bit too easily when his software doesn’t work right. Be it what I wrote or what I’m using.
May 12th, 2008 at 3:55 am
I rickroll telemarketers. I have a tape near the phone.
May 12th, 2008 at 4:23 am
My friend’s dad punched a hole in a door once. Then her mom painted a gorgeous flower over the door using the hole as the center of the flower. 8D
May 12th, 2008 at 5:14 am
That has got to hurt. Once again, it raises the question of what Biff is made off…
May 12th, 2008 at 5:25 am
lols i think that biff + common sense = something close to normal. maybe. then again, you might need to throw a lack of robotic body parts into the equation somewhere…
May 12th, 2008 at 6:37 am
Busted my hand once, punching a concrete wall in anger - My class ring left a dent in the concrete, but the wall cracked two metacarpals. Overall, the wall won.
May 12th, 2008 at 7:52 am
you can’t hang up on an unsolicited sales call
fash enough. The smashed head is only collateral
damage. Never answer the phone between your legs.
May 12th, 2008 at 8:01 am
Worst/best I’ve done in a situation like that? Tell them the person they’re looking for (my mother, at the time) died just a couple of days ago. Didn’t know what to say, poor bugger.
May 12th, 2008 at 8:12 am
The shadow sort of makes Biff look like he’s wet–perhaps the perspiration of frustration?
May 12th, 2008 at 9:32 am
You could keep a fresh stack of boards by the phone, allowing you to vent your anger and practice your karate at the same time.
May 12th, 2008 at 9:49 am
Biff just made a completely honest mistake; I’ve rushed a little too fast to get off the phone with them too.
Normally I’ll mess with them a little, though… My favorite is pretending to be a telemarketer as well, and I’ll only listen to thier shpiel if they’ll listen to mine first. I invariably try to sell some obscure insurance of some type.
If that fails, I’ll hit on them (which is especially effective if they’re also male).
ah, good times…
May 12th, 2008 at 10:01 am
I punched a door, broke one metacarpal. I remember specifically choosing the door because it was less breakable than a wall. Then I had a job interview the next day, and had t oshake hands and fill out paperwork with my broken hand. That was fun… (Almost as much fun as later going to the emergency room when it started to really hurt from the broken bone getting misaligned, waiting eight and a half hours, getting x-rays, and being told, “Yep, it’s broken. Have a nice day.” and then getting a $1000 bill a week later for it.)
May 12th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Instances where I *should’ve* been hurt, but wasn’t:
~ Computer locked up for the fifth time in fifteen minutes; Hit the keyboard with a hammer-fist blow. Hand survived, keyboard did not - Keys went flying about the room like psychotic popcorn. Good thing it was an older keyboard - Though that was probably part of the reason the comp kept locking up…
~ Brother ambushed me with icy-cold water from hose, jumped into the garage, locked the door behind him, and taunted me through the sindow. Bad move; One kick, and the entire *door frame* came down, door and all. Literally knocked the entire frame loose from the wall. No damage to me, no real damage to the door frame, though I did have to put it back in place, and dad made me make it *very* strong. My brother ran scared of me for months afterwards.
May 12th, 2008 at 10:36 am
One hilarious thing to do with telemarketers is string them along for a few minutes, but change accents every few sentences. Start off normally, then change to an Indian accent, then Australian, then Sean Connery, then Russian, etc. They usually just hang up themselves.
May 12th, 2008 at 10:41 am
I once punched a fence in a fit of anger. I was like, RAWR! But when the pain and throbbing didn’t stop after two hours I got it checked, turns out I had broken two fingers. Haven’t hit anything since!
May 12th, 2008 at 11:53 am
I’ve worked as a telemarketer. Trust me, they want to call you as much as you want them to call you. The best thing is to just say “not interested, please take me name off your list.” Being a dick or trying to be funny is just going to get you left on the list (at best) or marked for a call-back (at worst, and more likely). There’s so much diffusion of responsibility at these places that no matter how big a fit you throw, we could sit there and call you and only you back all day and nothing would happen to us personally.
May 12th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
@ Jack Hollow - Please elaborate.
Anyway, I’ve gotten some serious pain from being angry.
May 12th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Normally if I do get angry, I don’t go hitting stuff, I starting running into things in my frustartion. That usually doesn’t help. XP
May 12th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
I’ve always wanted to do a telemarketer prank, but the only times I’ve been called by a telemarketer, soomeone else was near.
May 12th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
I mostly gave up my landline and went cell-only because I was annoyed with the phone company, but ditching telemarketers was a nice bonus.
As far as rage-fueled damage, I once bent a keyboard into an interesting V shape. As for how I did this, I have no idea. What can I say, it was really drunk out that night.
May 12th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
I’ve heard they’re passing a bill that will allow telemarketers to call your cell at your charge….. but theres a list that you can put your number on like you could with your landline…
May 12th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
I can’t count how many times my knuckles have bled from punching lockers in rage
May 12th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
I learned not to do the hitting walls thing after cracking my knuckle three times. My aim sucks, I always hit a stud. D: Thankfully, I’ve since learned healthy anger management! Woo!
Telemarketers give me a great opportunity to practice my foreign languages. Nothing weirds them out more than violent-sounding Russian.
(P.S.-It’s my first time reading Biff–I’ve made my way through the entire archives in the last two days. I love it!!!)
May 12th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
@rhaps0die - Thanks for reading!
May 13th, 2008 at 12:12 am
I showed this one to my dad. Before I knew it it was on our refrigerator.
May 13th, 2008 at 12:21 am
In my youth I used other objects to express my anger; i remember a few chairs being thrown and a large clothes hamper…recently my manager has had me wanted to smash his face into a solid, immobile object, but there is retribution for that, which involves losing my only source of income. As far as telemarketers go, I’ve never had a landline since moving out, so I haven’t had the pleasure of dealing with them.
May 13th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
@chris
im one of those who has punched through a wall….really screwed with my knuckles…i’ve never bled so much!
May 13th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
I once got very angry at this annoing kid in my class.It took seven people to stop me from breaking his nose and I cracked the school wall.And another time I broke my bed.
May 13th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Never punched through a wall….kicked through one a couple times though.
May 14th, 2008 at 7:45 am
I busted my nose and fell over while trying to dance once. That’s why I don’t dance.
ANGER-related injuries I’ve had none of. Can’t say the same for one certain chair, though.
May 16th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
Ah the fun I’ve had punching holes through walls, never got injuries from it. Once I punched a hole through a glass window, only a couple of small cuts. I was a pretty violent kid, once I pulled a knife on my brother.
May 21st, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Y’see, I’m one of the odd ones.
I aim for things that I know _won’t_ break if I get mad enough to hit something.
Chiefly because it’s much easier cursing your stupidity and going for a bottle of Advil than it is cursing your stupidity and trying to patch up a smashed-through door handle with a busted wrist.
That said, my father dented a street sign once in his anger. Just one haul-off and WHAM, fresh three-inch concave in the middle of the sign. Now his pinky’s a bit cockeyed, though.
As for telemarketers, I have a simple way of dealing with them. ‘I’m on the Do-Not-Call list, so don’t call again. ‘*click* I don’t wait for a response. Locally we have a few ‘charity’ telemarketers that say it’s donations for the Sheriff’s Office or some shmuck but factually they keep seventy percent or so of what is donated… but since they’re ‘charity’ they don’t have to abide by the list.
They’ve stopped calling since I gave them a false name and changed accents twice in conversation. I started out normal, drifted into a British cockney, and ended the conversation with an ‘Aye, laddie bucko, an’ yeuh be havin’ a grand day teuh.’
June 17th, 2008 at 3:46 am
I once punched a hole in my kitchen-door… I don’t remember WHAT made me so angry, though. I only remember punching the hole ‘cuz I haven’t gotten around to fixing it yet…
June 21st, 2008 at 1:08 am
I’ve accidentally kicked a hole in the wall a couple of times. Honestly, how was I supposed to know it was weak at that spot?!
June 28th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
There was this one time when i put my fist through a wall, my girlfriend had fainted and needed to eat and drink something to regain her strength but her mom wanted nothing more then to drag her out of the house, after having her screaming in my face from outside the front door for 10 minutes or so i went upstairs and punched out in frustration, Luckily the argument i had gave my other half time to get a good drink and some food, also the hole i made gave a refreshing and cooling breeze on warm nights from that point on, I did have swollen knuckles for a long time though, and some scarring, in the end im just happy She was safe and ok, the one thing that REALLY ticked me off was her mothers dissregard for her own daughters safety and health, more concerned with getting her away from me then with her well being.
~Ant