March 8th, 2010
#975 – Gripped
When I was around 7 or 8 years old my little brother threw a teddy bear. I happened to be drinking a glass of milk at the moment. A glass of milk that I was finishing just in time to look through the bottom of the glass and see the distorted image of a teddy bear flying at my head. It has been a few decades since I got that swollen lip. I have yet to get my revenge.
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March 8th, 2010 at 1:45 am
I want to say “Revenge is a glass of milk best served cold”, but that doesn’t make any sense…and besides, I think that any statute of limitations on the “crime” has probably expired.
March 8th, 2010 at 3:19 am
What’s the number to call him over? I got a a real stubborn jar.
(Okay I just wanna meet Biff)
March 8th, 2010 at 3:58 am
@Matt Lee
You may want to wait until another time to shake his hand though
March 8th, 2010 at 4:49 am
Yet another comic I’m not “getting”… Maybe my humor is just off this month.
March 8th, 2010 at 5:17 am
@Tjovian – biff has some sort of infection that has caused his hands to be way bigger than they are supposed to be. Therefore, Biff is using his newfound enhancement to help the little people by opening jars, as oversized hands would be perfect for such work.
March 8th, 2010 at 8:12 am
Maybe he could fill in once in awhile for Bongo Bongo in Legend of Zeldas Ocarina of Time then too
March 8th, 2010 at 9:02 am
Oh! I thought the big hands was just a perspective thing. Hrm.
March 8th, 2010 at 9:51 am
When I was a child, I had a fever!
March 8th, 2010 at 10:38 am
“Life is a river. Time is a journey. The door is a jar.” –Harry Dresden
March 8th, 2010 at 10:40 am
@Micah: I think that’s more a perspective thing.
March 8th, 2010 at 11:42 am
Rex, I agree. Believe me, there are times when I get my cluster headaches and my wife runs me to the ER, I’m very glad to hear to hear:
‘OK, just a little pinprick, there’ll be no more “AHH-AHH-AHHH”, but you may feel a little sick.’
Once I am comfortably numb, life is good.
March 8th, 2010 at 12:15 pm
I was once stung by a cicada-killer wasp… Had the same effect, but only on the one hand.
March 8th, 2010 at 6:26 pm
Biff, however, went into the demolition business, destroying many buildings with his mighty, hefty hands.
March 8th, 2010 at 10:15 pm
@Doctor Why:
Me too. Yay for the comments section!
March 9th, 2010 at 12:34 am
Just yesterday, I tried to open a container of juice (it was POM wonderful) and couldn’t do it. I tried until I got blisters. I ended up spending about an hour slowly puncturing a hole in the top with thumbtacks, then widening it with scissors. Then after all that, the juice was slightly disappointing.
What is the point of making juice containers which are impossible to open with human hands?
March 9th, 2010 at 1:50 pm
Sick amusement, what else?
March 11th, 2010 at 7:53 pm
All you need to open a stuck jar lid is the handle of a knife and a few well-aimed blows.
Never met a jar I couldn’t open with this trick.
Or get a special grip cloth that works just as well. They’re out there. My mom got me one.