The Book of Biff

#1543 – Shades (No Comments)

Chris — Thu, 17 May 2012 05:00:27 +0000

I think the most hilarious sunglasses I ever got were handed to me after getting my eyes dilated at the eye doctor. They gave me a small plastic tube that unrolled into a cartoony 1980′s future pair of sunglasses that conformed to my face. I don’t understand why these weren’t a fashion statement from back [...]

#1542 – Stripe (6 Comments)

Chris — Wed, 16 May 2012 05:00:33 +0000

When I moved away to go to college I freaked out when I realized I didn’t know how to do my own laundry. I was reading all the tags and trying to decipher all the different instructions. Apparently I would have to do 12 different loads to wash everything correctly? I gradually realized that when [...]

#1541 – Tardised (5 Comments)

Chris — Tue, 15 May 2012 05:00:09 +0000

Sometimes I swat a mosquito and I am shocked by the amount of blood that is now dripping down my arm. Is that all my blood? How long was that thing drinking before I noticed? Why does it taste like peppermint? Also, Hugs Bison shirts are back in stock!

#1540 – Strong (8 Comments)

Chris — Mon, 14 May 2012 05:00:23 +0000

I don’t drink alcohol or cola. This really makes me an odd person at parties. Usually there are 12 different kinds of beer plus Coke in the coolers. I luck out at parties where children are present. Then I get my choice of fruit punch or apple juice boxes. Also, Hugs Bison shirts are back [...]

#1539 – Hold (5 Comments)

Chris — Fri, 11 May 2012 05:00:19 +0000

Well I guess I’ll go to the burger place across the street… Come on traffic… let’s go… okay where is their restroom? Where? Down this hallway? It’s locked! Oh dang I have to get a key from the cashier? There’s a line! Wait… there’s a flower planter over by that jewelry store!

#1538 – Papered (6 Comments)

Chris — Thu, 10 May 2012 05:00:48 +0000

A few days ago I had sushi for lunch. Then I had a delicious daifuku which is a sort of bean-filled rice cake. I followed that up with a box of rice candy. The kind with the rice paper wrapper that you eat. I’m trying to say that I eat a lot of rice and [...]

#1537 – Attraction (8 Comments)

Chris — Wed, 09 May 2012 05:00:26 +0000

If I was ever invited to a knife fight I simply wouldn’t show up. “Oh, 3 o’clock behind the storage shed? Okay, I think maybe I’ll just go home and watch TV? Sounds great though, make sure to take some pictures.”

#1536 – Celebration (5 Comments)

Chris — Tue, 08 May 2012 05:00:29 +0000

It’s weird how I will sometimes remember something fun that happened a long time ago and then realize I don’t know any of the other people involved anymore. Makes it feel a little less real. Was it only a dream? I guess I’m the one to decide now.

#1535 – Closeted (8 Comments)

Chris — Mon, 07 May 2012 05:00:38 +0000

Back in college I didn’t have a regular sleep schedule. Some days classes didn’t start until 2PM. I would just kind of sleep until “Oh crap, I better get up!” Consequently I wasn’t always the most skilled dresser. I once made it all the way to class before realizing that I had a 3rd sock [...]

#1534 – Boinged (11 Comments)

Chris — Fri, 04 May 2012 05:00:41 +0000

There’s a light fixture in my basement that is one of those generic single bulb with a pull chain deals. The chain broke off years ago. So now to turn that light off I just unscrew the bulb slightly until it goes out. It’s still screwed in far enough that it holds it in there. [...]